Cicadas of Breeze Knoll by Richard Cash

Author:Richard Cash [Cash, Richard]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Bay City Publishing
Published: 2016-10-08T00:00:00+00:00



The Letter

December 8th, 1971

Dear Trish,

I’ve never written you a letter, so it feels odd to send you one after you’ve died. Maybe I should have written you a letter last September after we had gotten back from the shore, but it was the last thing on my mind. Those were crazy times. But these are crazy times too, and I can’t believe you have perished and in such an ugly, despicable act.

Let me start by telling you that I loved you. I can’t say I love you now because of all the stuff that went down between us, or all the stuff that didn’t happen, or whatever it was that happened when we came back in September. My feelings were hurt that you couldn’t see me, and even more so when you started going out with Carl. It ripped me up and disturbed me that you couldn’t talk to me anymore. I did not get it, that things had changed now that we were back in Westfield, and could not find any solace at all.

You probably thought it was just a casual sex thing and I can understand that, but you need to understand that it was not casual for me. You obviously had other lovers before me, but for me it was the first time. Yes, I was a virgin. I feel bad that I didn’t confide in you that it was my first time. It might have made our experience together more meaningful. Or maybe you would have developed deeper feelings for me. As it was, I fumbled around like a school child, which I was, so I have a sense of my own dishonesty. If I had been more forthright with you perhaps things would have turned out differently for the two of us.

I’m devastated by your death. Perhaps this is somewhat selfish in origin, as I was holding out that we would get back together, even though I abandoned such thinking in October. But one thing is for certain; I miss you being on the planet and more than anything, I am blown away and crushed at the way you died. I feel sorry for you that you had to encounter your murderer, who was your father, and I can’t imagine how deeply that must have terrified you and hurt your feelings very down deep— to see your father pointing a gun at your head. There must have been a moment, however brief and only three seconds where you went “oh my god my father is going to kill me.” For that I am terribly sorry and wish I could have stopped it. He is a vile man.

That’s all really. I’m sorry you had to go like this. I hope that you experienced no pain after the gunshot and yes, I love you. You were my first love and I will always love you.

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